Which statement seems more accurate way of thinking about the self, the more enlightened way?
A.
Who I am is who I am today. Who I was in the past is not who I am anymore. Who I am in the future is who I will be, but neither of these are of great concern for today. I am 32 years old. I woke up this morning at 8am, which is three hours later than I intended, but that is my fault, because I stayed up too late last night talking to some friends on Facebook. When I woke up, I read a chapter from a novel I have been reading, then, with great reluctance, got out of bed, put on my gym clothes, and did sets of pushups until I could not do any more. Then I went to the gym, did cardio for an hour, but was reluctant the whole time and it was a mediocre workout. I was probably not into it because I have skipped the gym for the past two weeks in order to get caught up with grading papers. When I got home, I sluggishly got into the shower, shaved, got dressed, and ate breakfast. I checked the news and walked out the door. The whole morning not only started three hours late, but when it finally did get started, I spent twice as much time as I needed to on every activity, except, of course, my physical activity, while ran my average length, but it was less strenuous than normal. Two more weeks of school, two more weeks of hard work, and then my time is all my own for three weeks to do what I wish, whether that be drinking heavily or reading some excellent books.
B.
Who I am on November 29, 2010 is just one small slice of who I am. I am Kamran of Nov. 29, 2000, and Kamran of 2020 (assuming I have yet to die). Although the future is as yet uncertain, I have been able to advance every year so far, some greatly, some only marginally. I have my goals, both in my career and my character, and I have marched slowly toward these goals. Sometimes my goals have shifted, but I realized that by moving toward one goal, I have become better suited at my other goals. Certainly, not everything has been smooth: my future has at times looked bleak, I have often not gotten what I craved, and I have done things that I regret. Thinking about these things brings me a variety of pains. Nevertheless, they prompt me to thinking about my life, and the pain helps me remember. I learn things from these reflections that I would not if I forgot them. And certainly , not everything about the future will be bright as well. People who I know and love now will die. Perhaps some of them will die painfully. Perhaps relationships that I have been putting off will later become unattainable to me. Perhaps I will fall upon economic hardships. Perhaps I will find myself doing something that will cause all of my friends and family to scorn me. Maybe I will acquire a slow, painful, and inevitable cancer. Perhaps I will never write a book. If my 1995 high school junior self could see me today, he would be puzzled in many ways, and maybe call me evil, but perhaps overall excited and proud. My 2010 self looks back on my 1995 self and sees an ignorant child. My 2003 self would probably look at my 2006 self with disappointment and worry. But my 2006 self would look at my 2010 self and regain confidence. With any luck, on the morning of Nov. 29, 2060, I will wake up as a 92 year old man. I will look at the sun rise, sip on some hot, black coffee, think back through the years, back to the old days of 2020s, 2030s, 2040s, and the recent 2050s, and I will find my reflections to be a treasure trove of happiness.
Conclusion:
Are these different psychologies? Do they have different psychological and moral implications? Does one of these lead my life to become more full? Does one of these lead my life to be more worth living?
Natural Causes 
2 relatively unconnected thoughts:
I always wonder about whether or not forgetting is a liberating thing. Last Winter, I was obsessed with this quotation: “Beauty will be amnesiac or not at all.” (It’s Sylvere Lotringer, I think.) There is some part of me that thinks that learning from and taking pleasure in my relationships with other people comes from forgetting–from not organizing my observations about other people into my predetermined beliefs structures about their character. So, to forget is to drop one’s judgments and give other people the capacity to be something new, to surprise. The whole issue of memory as a barrier has to do with torpor, I think, with how sticky our past is, with whether or not we can shake it. But then I worry that I’ll up and forget about something crappy that someone has done to me, and they will “surprise” me by just treating my like shit. So, I don’t know about this.
About two weeks ago my friend suggested that I quit evaluating my life and try keeping my head up when I walk instead. Her idea was that I would get out of ruminating on the past or speculating about the future and simply notice what was around me. I do think that engaging with the present moment is an adaptive thing; it provides the most avenues for control. There’s just too much to think about when taking on the past and the future, and it’s hard to have a clear sense of the right stopping place.
P.S. You’re making me wish I hadn’t abandoned my wordpress blog after, like, 3 posts. Maybe there were 5. Maybe I will post # 6.