As I laid down to bed last night, exhausted and yearning to unconsciousness, my mind was occupied with the anxious thoughts of the last few hours: anxious that I had had an unproductive and distracted day and that I had to delay a trip by a day because of my sloth, among other things. They were pessimistic, self-deprecating thoughts, useless for making life better, and even contributing to more of the same the next day.
Fortunately, in my exhaustion, I sunk into sleep quickly and had a long, peaceful sleep.
When I awoke the next day, my mind was clear and empty. I felt pleased, lying in my soft bed with the sun creeping in, the heaviness of sleep quickly slipping away. But I don’t think I had an identity at this point: the memories of the previous night were not yet in my mind: I was not recognizing the failure of the previous day, or the bus that I was currently missing. There may not even have been a recognition that I was in Chicago, or even that I was Kamran. My conscious experience was almost empty of content.
However, a moment later, the same thoughts that accompanied me to sleep rushed back into my consciousness. And with the content, the pessimism followed. I noticed it was as though I was “becoming” a certain person, with a certain psychology, at the moment those thoughts came into my mind. Prior to that moment, I could have been anybody, or it could have been any day in my life, both the good days and the bad. That pre-content moment was identical to any other pre-content moment I’ve had on nearly every morning of my life.
The implication is that my mood is set, my identity is set, based on what thoughts came before: perhaps even those same thoughts that I had when I was going to bed the previous night. After a bad day, we often like to say that tomorrow is the beginning of a new day, but can that really be true? There is too much of the previous day’s thoughts that still occupy the new day’s thoughts, and if an individual’s identity and psychology is identical to the content of those thoughts, then there is no such thing as the “first day of the rest of your life.”
Natural Causes 
You need to rod yourself of the ego which you call your identity to truly be free. This can be difficult for analytical and philosophical types. I frequently am considered to overthink so I can sympathize. However sometimes tumult of overthinking can free yourself when you can’t take it anymore. Sort of like when you go to sleep because you are taken by fatigue. I would say to take an Aristotelian route of action. Instead of brooding over what you don’t like focus on what you can like. This can be difficult when you see no solutions. I would say look into some Eastern philosophies. Such as the Buddhist adage that desire is suffering. I would also suggest looking at life at the greater picture. Go take a walk, go look at some of the great shops of Lakeview, go to a traveler’s cafe, go to a concert, an event, enjoy the summer and nature and just being alive. I can understand emotional pain. I know how difficult it can get. Just try keep the faith don’t give up. If you need a day off like you did today that’s okay. No matter what you think about yourself I still think you are a wonderful person. Maybe I don’t know you, you may say, but still, I can sympathize. I consider myself absolutely wretched at times just as well. But sometimes life can go beyond the self as the environment and energy of life takes you over.
I have some great Meisner method quotes regarding this issue. I’ll post sometime tomorrow.