[This post represents part of a project that I introduced in the previous blog post. There are plenty of spelling/grammatical errors in this paper. This is intentional: I wanted this exploration to be a representation of an actual brainstorming process, mistakes and all.]
…what to write about, what to write about? My brain is feeling quite sluggish this afternoon, and sadly, a lot of ideas are not coming to mind. But, after ten years of either being a student or professor, I have learned that my mind does not think well when it doesn’t have structure. My mind needs something to think ABOUT before it can think at all. So, my mind needs some kind of structure. I am not really sure where this structure is going to come from. I am just writing, typing away, expressing whatever comes to mind in words. I am sitting in my chair, reclined, staring at the ceiling, and letting my fingers dance around the keyboard. I think that I’m hitting the right keys, but I’m not even looking at the keyboard, so I am not sure. Is this an effective method of writing an essay? Or, no, wait, that’s not what I mean. I mean, is this an effective way of brainstorming for an essay? Because obviously, this style in which I am currently writing would make for a horrible essay. Or, no, wait, that’s not what I mean either. This might make for a good essay, but not a good essay for my reader. This mt to answer my question:: is this effective brainstorming? I don’t know. Not yet. We’ll see what comes out of it.
Hmm. So, I am no closer to learning what my essay will be about, but I do want it to be good. I hope that it will be interesting to write, interesting to see how I delve into my mind, find concepts that I have been thinking about for some time, and see if I can express them clearly and ideally learn something from it. To be honest, it has been a long time since I’ve written an essay for a class. Literally years. Five years perhaps? So, despite teaching essays frequently, and frequently writing essays on my own for myself or my blog, the last time I have written an essay for a class was when I was in graduate school, in 2006. Five years. Oh my! Will I be up for the task? A small part of me is worried that I will prove myself to be a charlatan, and that I’ll do that right in front of my students.
Strangely, this act suddenly seems to me obscene. I am revealing my inner thought processes to my students. Wihat will this reveal? Will it reveal that I am in fact a fool inside? Perhaps, I suppose. Nietzsche says in one place…I can’t remember where right now…but that “A teacher only takes himself seriously in regard to his students.” That actually feels comforting. I am, in fact, serious about teaching, serious about helping other people ubnlock new worlds of thought within themselves, serious about showing others how to think well, serious about helping my students help themselves. If being ridiculous helps, then this is what I must do.
But perhaps what I am doing here is the best thing I could do? Writing essays is actually a very private affair, isn’t it? We get the assignment in class, the final product is graded, but in order to write a good essay, the writer often holes themslef up by themself (at least mentally) nd wields their ideas, stamps them into words, without anyone observing this mental life.And so, is it the same thing as this? Suppose you were in class about the construction of motors. The teacher assigned the construction of the motor, and inspected the final product, but expects the student to figure out how to build the motor on their own. that would be ridiculous. The teacher would do a better job if she built a motor in front of the students, and said, “students, don’t build a motor exactly like this, but I want you to see what it is to build a motor, to make decisions about things during the building process, so you can create a motor of your own. There are certain rules and principles that will apply for all motors, but once you understand these, you will also understand that you can and should be creative in how you build your motor.”
Sadly, I realize that I will need to close this to go to a very fun and awesome meeting. But I will leave this with a closing thought: I know that it will be to my benefit if I choose a topic that seems interesting to ME, that I am curious about and that I feel I will gain something by writing it. In these above paragraphs, I was writing from the gut, without fore-thought. I was letting my will drive my thoughts, and my rational mind’s only task was taking the nebulous ideas, uncritically translating them into words, and immediately sending the appropriate signals to my fingers, which blindy dance across the keyboard. What does this tell me? That the above things are on my mind, and that pershaps the things I wrote about should be the beginning of my subject matter for my essay. I would not have known this if I didn’t just sit down and write. My ideas would never have been reflected upon, my mind would never have recorded what occurred in my mind. Now it is here, ready for the next phase. I will leave this now, but as I am walking to the meeting, I will think about what I have written, and even pay attention to the way people at the meeting talk, because now I will be hunting for specific ideas, anything that will help me write this essay. As I read and re-read Kierkegaard and Marx, I will think about these ideas and hunt amongst their words anything that could assist me. What I have done thus far may not seem productive, but it is the raw material of thought, refined into language, ready for the next stage of thinking. Good bye for now.
Natural Causes 
7 days is too short mon professeur. I think it is helpful that you did this. Just a little mad at myself that I will have to work on this while I’m in sunny California, but Kierkegaard, cocktails and the beach sound perfect. Good luck on your papers:)
Faulkner takes an interesting stream-of-consciousness style of writing with plenty of grammatical errors interspersed with southern dialect spelling for the purpose of sound rather than literacy. Kind of reminds me of what you’re doing here. A cool thing to do, I might add.
I think it’s important to teach but also allow independence in learning but only for those who are suited for it. Some people need more structure, especially in the beginning to get how the motor works. You can’t be stuck thinking you’re doing something new and creative when you’re really rehashing. I think that’s the purpose of the teacher. I know there’s been times I thought I was far when years later I notice how much more builds over time in terms of content/knowledge although some things stay intact and then I get confused over what I’m thinking now
The only unproductive value from what I get from your project so far is there isn’t much substance, but I think this is because you are just beginning to explore the structure before entering content into the vessel. I find your other writings more interesting at times because of a certain theme that is present throughout. There’s more of a tangible togethernness I can gain access to. Simultaneously, however, I find explorations of structures of mind far more intriguing. But I don’t think stream-of-consciousness necessarily equates the right paving to it although I do think it holds great value.
By the way, I find your integrity to the explorations of ideas very noble. So many people just don’t seem to care about truth as is. It’s more about getting through the day. And sometimes it’s hard to blame them. There’s so many things to do for certain livelihoods. And even more so, I notice that there is a trend to study certain subjects, mostly that lead on to certain careers, and once launched into these careers so much of what is taught is left unquestioned. This isn’t to say that there aren’t new theories and experimentation, but the very foundations of many new theories and experiments are left unquestionable leaving a specious result. I find it necessary perhaps to a very slight degree, but I’ve experienced hands-on interaction with the various structures (more like bureaucracy) in our society and I find that there is much renovation in order. For me, there are always attempts, but the very structures work in such a way that such renovations are necessarily made to be ousted. Innovation in these cases is in order (and I’m certainly no stranger to that) but again these structures are very much rock-solid and rather reluctant in mobility.